Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to iintendtobehappy.com. That is a great place for us to get started working together, and I hope I can help you on your path to being happier.
The Heartbreak of Disappointment
One of my students wrote to me:
“I gave up time with my family. I said no to other jobs. I poured everything into this opportunity, and now it’s gone. I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and honestly, lost. I can’t stop asking—what was all that for?”
Wow. I hear you.
It hurts when you give something your time, your energy, your heart—
and it doesn’t go the way you hoped.
This is hard. And I don’t want us to gloss over that.
Dead Ends or Detours
In the moment, disappointment feels like a dead end.
But so often, with time and perspective, it reveals itself as a detour—
a pivot that leads somewhere deeper, more honest, more aligned.
Anna’s Story
I worked with a woman—let’s call her Anna.
- She was a brilliant academic.
- She applied for a prestigious post-doc at a world-class university.
- Her entire CV and self-concept pointed to this role.
When she didn’t get the offer, she was devastated.
She didn’t just lose an opportunity—she lost a future she had been living in her mind.
The first thing we did was simply let her hurt.
No bypassing. No fixing too quickly.
Then, slowly, new questions arose:
- Do I even want to live in that city?
- Do I want to stay in academia forever?
- What do I care about outside of prestige and publications?
Six months later, she took a job in research focused on community impact.
It wasn’t flashy, but she lit up when she talked about it.
And she finally felt like she was doing work that mattered to her.
What Success Really Means
We often think success is:
- Landing the role.
- Securing the grant.
- Sealing the deal.
But sometimes, success is quieter.
It’s realizing that what you thought you wanted isn’t actually what you need.
And that clarity comes only when you stay in the discomfort long enough to listen to what life is telling you.
Turning the Page
So, to my student who didn’t get the fellowship—
Yes, it hurts. And it’s okay that it hurts.
But maybe this is the moment to ask yourself gently:
- What was I really hoping that opportunity would give me?
- Is there another way to move toward that?
- What space is opening up now that I couldn’t see before?
Disappointment doesn’t close your story.
It deepens it.
It sharpens your discernment.
And often, it introduces you to new possibilities you couldn’t imagine before.
This might not be the ending.
It might just be a plot twist.
And often, those plot twists turn out to be the best parts of the story.
I hope this is helpful for anyone listening who feels like things haven’t worked out the way you hoped.
Don’t forget, the Happiness Club is where it’s at. Come to moniquerhodes.com, click on courses, and you’ll find it there. We are doing amazing work together.
As always—be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
