Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to MoniqueRhodes.com and try the Happiness Quiz — it’s a wonderful way to get on the path to being happier.
The Wounds We Carry
There’s something many of us hold onto quietly for years, sometimes even for decades — the ache of an old hurt that keeps returning to the surface. People often believe that time alone should heal our wounds, that if something happened 10, 20, or 30 years ago, we should be “over it” by now. But time only passes. Healing is something very different. It asks us to gently revisit the places we’ve sealed shut and ask ourselves what still needs tending.
A Story That So Many Share
A beautiful woman recently wrote to me. She told me about meeting the love of her life when she was young. It was one of those early, wide-eyed loves full of possibility. She flew across the world to be with him, brimming with hope — only to arrive and be told he’d met someone else.
The ground disappeared beneath her feet.
That was more than 30 years ago. They eventually reconciled. He apologized deeply, she forgave him, and they’ve been together ever since.
But even now, decades later, a wound inside her still gets triggered — especially when he looks at another woman. It’s not because she doesn’t trust him now. It’s because a part of her still remembers what it felt like to have her world collapse in an instant.
This isn’t weakness. It’s being human.
Why Old Wounds Still Speak
When someone we love breaks our trust — especially when we’re young — our nervous system remembers. Our heart remembers. We might forgive, and that is powerful, but the body holds the imprint of the moment when love was replaced with confusion and grief.
We don’t hold on to protect the pain — we hold on to protect ourselves. The nervous system begins to scan for anything that resembles the original hurt:
Look out for this. Be careful. Don’t be blindsided again.
It makes sense that we want to protect our hearts. But in doing so, we can end up living from the past rather than the present — comparing ourselves, anticipating danger, and reacting to shadows instead of reality.
How We Begin to Heal
Healing isn’t about erasing what happened. It’s about learning to meet the hurting parts within us with tenderness.
Inside each of us is a younger version — 20, 25, maybe even younger — who still wonders, Was I not enough? She isn’t trying to disturb your peace; she’s asking for your reassurance, your love, your presence.
And the beautiful thing is:
You’re not her anymore. You’re wiser. You’ve grown. You can hold her now.
You can tell her what she never got to hear:
You did nothing wrong.
You are enough.
You are lovable.
I’ve got you now.
This is the real work. Not banishing sadness or silencing triggers, but turning toward them with compassion. Each time the wound reappears, it’s not a setback — it’s an invitation:
Can I meet this pain with love today?
Healing Is a Spiral, Not a Line
You may think, But I’ve done this healing work and it still comes back.
That’s okay. Healing is rarely linear. We revisit the same places again and again, but each time with a little more understanding, a little more softness, a little less fear.
You don’t need to be perfectly healed to live a beautiful life. You just need to keep choosing love — especially for the most fragile parts of yourself.
You Are Not Broken
If you’ve been carrying an old hurt that still stings, please know this:
You are not broken.
You are not too much.
You are not stuck.
You protected your heart in the only way you knew how.
Now you have the opportunity to protect it differently — not with fear, but with love. Not by tightening, but by softening.
This is how we let go: not by forcing ourselves to forget, but by meeting our pain with such radical kindness that eventually it no longer needs to shout to be heard.
To the woman who wrote to me, and to anyone who relates — you’re doing better than you think. And you’re not alone.
If you want to be taught by me each month, along with some of the wonderful experts I bring in, or if you’d like to join us for our monthly live call, come to MoniqueRhodes.com. Click on Courses, and you’ll find everything you need there.
As always, be kind. Take care. Go gently in the world.
