Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to iintendtobehappy.com and let’s get you started on the path to being happier.
When Effort Feels Heavy
A student wrote to me recently and said,
"I feel like I’m doing all the inner work—listening to the podcasts, following the practices—but things are only changing slowly. Why do I still feel stuck?"
Oh, I love this question.
Because it’s one I’ve wrestled with too.
That feeling of doing everything right—yet wondering where the magic is.
The Grip We Hold
We live in a world that teaches speed.
Quick fixes. Fast growth.
But real transformation is slower—and softer.
So many of us come to this work gripping tightly—
- Wanting to get it right.
- Wanting to fix ourselves.
- Wanting to be perfect.
But wisdom rarely arrives when we’re white-knuckling.
It comes when we loosen our grip.
Not collapsing, not shutting down—just softening.
What Softening Looks Like
You might notice it quietly at first:
- A teaching lands in a new way.
- You respond with a bit more calm.
- Your inner voice sounds a little kinder.
That’s softening.
It’s subtle. It’s steady.
And it’s how change really happens.
When we stop wrestling with ourselves—
when we sit in stillness,
something inside us begins to exhale.
Strength in Gentleness
Softening isn’t weakness.
It’s courage.
Because in a world that tells us to strive and perform,
it takes bravery to relax our grip.
Each time you:
- Sit with discomfort instead of running,
- Speak gently to yourself,
- Admit you don’t know—
That’s softening.
A Story of Letting Go
I once worked with a woman in transition.
She came to every session with notes and plans—terrified of losing control.
She said, “I just want to get it right.”
One day I asked her,
“What if there’s nothing wrong with you? What if your work is to soften the way you’re holding yourself?”
She cried. Not from pain—but from relief.
Because for the first time, she didn’t have to try so hard to be okay.
And slowly, she began to shift—
Relaxing a little more, fixing a little less,
allowing herself to be human.
Change Like Rain
Transformation doesn’t come like lightning.
It comes like soft, steady rain.
I remember in New Zealand, that fine mist that soaks you slowly—
you barely feel it, but by the time you get home, you’re drenched.
That’s what this work is like.
You think you’re not changing,
but your roots are quietly drinking.
Let the Rain Do Its Work
If you feel stuck or tired or tight—
maybe the invitation isn’t to push harder.
Maybe it’s to soften.
To drop the story that you need to be perfect.
To trust that life is working something out in you—
even now.
Let the rain do its work.
And trust me, when it does—you’ll know.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
