Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to MoniqueRhodes.com and try the Happiness Quiz — it’s a great way to see where your happiness levels are.
When Bitterness Creeps In
I had a message from one of my students recently. She said,
“Hey Monique, how do you not get bitter when stuff keeps going wrong?
I try to stay open, but sometimes it’s just hard.”
And I get it. Because when life keeps throwing challenges at us —
when plans fall apart, when people let us down —
it’s natural to want to protect ourselves.
We all do this, even when we don’t mean to.
We armor up. We close down.
It’s the mind’s way of saying, “I don’t want to be hurt again.”
But here’s what I want you to know:
there’s always a moment — even if it’s just a fraction of a second —
where another path is possible.
The Pull Toward Bitterness
Bitterness can feel safe.
It can feel familiar.
And often, it can even feel justified.
When life feels unfair, when something falls apart, bitterness becomes a kind of shield.
It tells us, “I won’t be caught off guard again.”
It whispers, “I’ll protect myself by caring less.”
But the truth is, bitterness doesn’t protect us — it isolates us.
It freezes us in the moment we were hurt,
and the longer we stay there, the smaller our world becomes.
Bitterness convinces us that closing off is strength,
but real strength comes from staying open, even when it’s hard.
The Courage to Stay Open
Openness doesn’t mean pretending things are fine when they’re not.
It doesn’t mean bypassing your pain or forcing yourself to be cheerful.
Openness is simply the willingness to stay with what’s real —
to be with your experience, not against it.
It’s allowing the sting, the ache, the discomfort —
without adding blame, judgment, or story.
That’s not weakness.
That’s courage.
Because it takes real strength to feel disappointment and still stay open-hearted.
To hear something painful and stay curious.
To stand in uncertainty and say, “I don’t know, but I’m here.”
Practicing Openness
Openness isn’t something we master.
It’s something we practice — imperfectly, humbly, and often with resistance.
You’ll close down before you even notice.
That’s okay. The work isn’t to never close —
it’s to notice when you have.
Take a breath. Pause.
And maybe, just maybe, soften a little.
You don’t have to go from clenched to wide open in one leap.
But every small softening changes everything inside you.
Even if your heart has been broken, openness is still available —
and that choice feels completely different from bitterness.
A Question to Carry With You
So here’s something to ask yourself today:
When life doesn’t go the way I want —
when things are messy or uncertain or disappointing —
am I meeting this moment with bitterness or with openness?
Not as a moral judgment.
Not as a way to be “better.”
But as a genuine, moment-to-moment inquiry into how you want to live.
Because every single moment, you get to choose.
And every time you choose openness,
you’re planting a seed — for peace, for compassion, for freedom.
And even if nothing changes on the outside, you will be different.
And maybe that’s what freedom really is.
I hope this has been helpful.
Come join me in The Happiness Club — it’s where the real transformation happens.
Go to MoniqueRhodes.com, click on Courses, and try it for just $1 for your first month.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
