Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to iintendtobehappy.com and we’ll get you on the path to being happier.
The One Rule That Changes Everything
I was talking to a friend the other day, and she asked me a great question.
She said, “If you could give just one key for someone to be happier, what would it be? What’s the number one rule of happiness?”
My answer was simple: don’t cling.
If there’s one principle at the heart of lasting happiness, it’s this —
freedom arises when we release our grip.
Why We Suffer
So much of our suffering doesn’t come from what happens to us.
It comes from how we resist it.
We cling to how we think things should be.
We hold tightly to people, outcomes, identities, and control.
But life is always changing.
And when we fight against that change, we create frustration, fear, disappointment, and grief.
Clinging shows up in many forms.
Sometimes we grasp onto something we used to have — a feeling, a person, or a certainty.
Other times, we chase what we haven’t yet reached — convinced that happiness lies just beyond the next achievement, relationship, or fix.
And often, we cling to who we think we’re supposed to be —
an image of ourselves that leaves no room for mistakes, growth, or softness.
Letting Life Move
But life is always moving.
It’s unfolding in ways we can’t predict or control.
I often tell my students, “If you can tell me what’s going to happen in the next five minutes, I’ll be impressed.”
When we try to hold life still, insisting that things stay as they are or become what we imagine, we suffer.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up.
It’s not apathy or detachment, or pretending not to care.
It means stopping the fight against reality.
It means learning to meet life where it is — not where we wish it was.
When we do this, our grip softens.
We make space for something new.
A Story About Love and Letting Be
Last year, I worked with a woman who had been married for over a decade.
Her pain didn’t come from abuse or betrayal — it came from quiet disappointment.
Her husband wasn’t emotionally expressive.
He didn’t write long birthday cards or initiate heart-to-hearts.
He loved her deeply, but not in the way she longed for.
For years, she held onto the belief that if he really loved her, he would change.
Her suffering wasn’t about him — it was about her inability to let go of the version of love she thought she needed.
When she stopped clinging to that story, something shifted.
She didn’t silence her needs or abandon herself.
She simply began to engage with reality as it was — not as she wished it to be.
And in that space between grasping and letting be, there was more ease.
More compassion — for him and for herself.
The Practice of Letting Go
Letting go isn’t something we do once.
It’s a practice — something we return to again and again.
Every day, things won’t meet our expectations.
Every day, life will change in ways we can’t control.
When you feel yourself tighten into fear or control or expectation,
pause.
Breathe.
And gently ask yourself:
“Is this something I need to hold onto so tightly?”
When you loosen your grip, you make space —
for clarity, for warmth,
for the possibility that life, even in its imperfection, can still meet you
with moments of deep beauty and connection.
Presence Over Perfection
True happiness doesn’t require perfection.
It requires presence.
And presence becomes possible when you’re willing to let go —
just enough to meet life exactly as it is.
I hope this has been helpful.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
