Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you'd like to know more about what I teach, come to iintendtobehappy.com and let me help you find your way a little closer to being happy.
The Pull to Shut Down
The other night, I was at dinner with friends I care deeply about.
- People I love spending time with.
- People I share my life with here in Costa Rica.
And in the middle of our conversation, I felt myself get activated.
Their views on a particular world issue clashed sharply with mine.
- What they believed touched something raw in me.
- It stirred anger.
- It stirred sadness.
And I felt that familiar pull—
- To shut down.
- To harden.
- To withdraw into the safety of my own perspective.
But instead, I stayed.
Not to agree.
Not to fix.
Not to win.
But to stay present.
To stay connected.
To stay human.
Staying Is a Practice
Staying open in hard conversations isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a practice.
Like a muscle, it grows with use.
- Choosing presence over performance.
- Breathing over reacting.
- Connection over control.
Most of us have been taught to shut down when things get uncomfortable.
- We walk out.
- We go silent.
- We push back.
- We numb out.
- We leave—not just the conversation, but often the relationship too.
The Hooked Amygdala
Father Richard Rohr said in an interview with Oprah that America has become a country of hooked amygdalas.
The amygdala is the part of the brain that scans for threat.
- It reacts to danger.
- But it also reacts to opposing views.
- It doesn’t always know the difference between physical danger and psychological discomfort.
So when we don’t feel safe, we retreat.
But the practice isn’t to override our body.
It’s to notice.
- The tightening.
- The urge to run.
- The urge to fight.
And then—pause, breathe, stay.
What Staying Really Means
Staying doesn’t mean:
- Agreeing.
- Silencing yourself.
- Tolerating harm.
It means:
- Remaining in relationship with the moment.
- Saying, “That’s hard for me to hear, but I’m still here.”
- Saying, “I care about you, but I see this differently.”
- Saying, “I feel reactive, so I’ll take a breath before I respond.”
It’s not about passivity.
It’s about presence.
The Temptation of Righteousness
Rage and resentment can feel righteous.
They can feel justified.
But as Richard Rohr warns—
If we stay too long in rage and resentment, we end up passing on hurt in new directions.
And without realizing it—
- We armor up.
- We become closed.
- We become disconnected.
- We become the very thing we’re fighting against.
Why We Stay
We stay because it matters.
- It’s meaningful.
- It’s honest.
- It’s the only way relationships deepen.
- It’s the only way real conversations happen.
- It’s the only way change becomes possible.
We stay because love stays.
Even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.
One Breath Longer
So next time you’re in a difficult conversation and you feel yourself pulling away—
- Pause.
- Breathe.
- Soften your shoulders.
- Feel your feet on the ground.
And stay just one breath longer than you want to.
Ask yourself:
- What part of me is trying to protect myself?
- Is there a softer way?
- Can I stay connected even when I’m uncomfortable?
This is what growth looks like.
Not running.
Not winning.
But staying—soft, steady, willing.
Because the world doesn’t need more people who can argue better.
The world needs more people who can stay.
Stay Open
So go gently.
Stay open.
And just for today—
See what it feels like to stay.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
