Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to MoniqueRhodes.com and try the Happiness Quiz — it’s a wonderful way to see where you are on your happiness journey.
When Heartbreak Redefines You
One of the things we don’t talk about enough is heartbreak. And heartbreak can take many forms. It’s not just about a relationship ending.
There’s often a moment after heartbreak when you wonder, Will I ever feel like myself again? The pain can feel so all-consuming that it seems to redefine who you are.
But here’s the truth: when something or someone is suddenly ripped away from your life, it does change you. The real question is this: what if that change could eventually become a doorway, rather than the dead end you think it is?
Heartbreak and Identity
Heartbreak is not just about loss; it’s also about identity.
When we love someone deeply, we often build parts of ourselves around that relationship — what we do together, how we feel seen by them, who we are in their presence. When that disappears, it’s not just the other person we miss. It’s the version of ourselves that lived inside that connection.
So recovery isn’t just about “moving on.” Recovery is about rediscovering who you are when all the noise dies down.
Learning to Be with Yourself
Healing from heartbreak is learning to be with yourself in the quiet.
The key is to resist the urge to fill that space with distractions or to rush to replace what you’ve lost. I know that can feel terrifying, but this is where transformation begins.
A client once told me she felt like a shell after her partner left. Everything felt muted. The colors of her life were washed out. She had no appetite, no sense of humor.
She tried to outrun her grief by traveling, by working more, by dating. Nothing helped. Eventually, I got her to sit still long enough to truly feel the pain. Then I encouraged her to start journaling — just a few minutes a day.
At first she wrote about sadness, anger, and regrets. And then something beautiful happened: she began writing about her dreams. Her own dreams. Not the ones shaped or shared with someone else. That’s when the shift began.
Heartbreak as a Mirror
We don’t always realize it, but heartbreak can be a mirror.
It reflects back all the places where we’ve given ourselves away, all the stories we’ve told ourselves about who we need to be in order to be loved. And if we’re brave enough to look, we find something raw and real underneath it all.
We find ourselves.
This is where compassion is vital — not just for the person who hurt you, but for yourself. You might feel silly for still crying “after all this time.” You might feel ashamed of how you acted, or what you tolerated. But healing does not come from judgment.
Healing comes from offering yourself the same kindness you would give a dear friend.
From Broken to Tender
So what if you didn’t see your heart as “broken,” but as tender?
What if the cracks you feel in yourself are actually the places where new life can enter? There’s a beautiful line by Leonard Cohen: “There is a crack in everything — that’s where the light gets in.”
What if your job right now isn’t to rush toward being “okay,” but to be present with what is — without shame and without abandoning yourself?
This tenderness you feel, this uncertainty, is fertile ground. From here, you get to ask:
- What do I want now?
- Not just in a partner, but in life.
- In friendships.
- In the way I spend my mornings.
- In what truly brings me happiness.
Healing Is Not Linear
Recovery from heartbreak is not linear.
One day you might feel free, and the next you might feel as if you’ve completely slipped backwards. That’s normal. You’re not broken — you’re becoming.
So take your time. Go slowly. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.
Because this isn’t just recovery. It’s an awakening.
And you, my friend, are worth awakening for.
If this resonates with you, I’d love you to come and join The Happiness Club. You’ll be supported multiple times each month and be part of a wonderful community of people all moving in the same direction — learning how to work with their minds and open to deeper happiness.
As always, be kind. Take care. Go gently in the world.
