Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to MoniqueRhodes.com and try the Happiness Quiz — it’s a wonderful way to see where you are on your happiness journey.
Why We Resist Change
One of the things I’ve noticed again and again in my work is that most of us say we want to grow.
We say we want more peace, more clarity, more confidence.
We want to feel like ourselves — not just surviving, but deeply at home in who we are.
And yet, we resist the one thing that actually makes that possible: change.
We cling to the familiar — even when it hurts.
We stay in patterns, situations, and identities that feel too small or disconnected, because as much as we crave growth, we fear the unknown even more.
Change Isn’t the Enemy
I want you to understand something vital: change isn’t the enemy.
It’s the most natural thing in the world.
Seasons change.
Bodies change.
Emotions change.
People come and go.
Everything is moving — always.
The discomfort we feel doesn’t come from change itself; it comes from our tight grip on what was.
We want to hold things in place just a little bit longer.
We want control, guarantees, and certainty — the assurance that whatever comes next won’t hurt or stretch us too much.
But that’s not how real transformation works.
Letting Go of Who You Thought You Were
To find out who you really are, you have to be willing to let go of who you thought you were.
Who you are is often buried under layers of habits, roles, expectations, and fears.
The only way to access that deeper self is to let things fall away.
Sometimes that means leaving a job, ending a relationship, or changing a belief system.
But more often, it’s subtler — softening an old reaction, stepping out of a role you’ve always played, or saying,
“I don’t know who I am without this story — but I’m willing to find out.”
That’s where the real work begins.
A Story of Unraveling and Rebirth
I once worked with a woman who had built her whole life around being the reliable one.
She held everything together — her family, her career, her image of being strong.
And then, almost overnight, it all began to unravel.
Her partner left, her job changed, and her health declined.
She said to me, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
My response was gentle but honest:
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”
Because beneath the fear and grief, there was space — space for something new to emerge.
For the first time, she wasn’t living from who she had to be.
She could finally ask, “Who do I want to be now?”
It wasn’t easy.
But what she thought was the end became the beginning of her real life.
And the version of her that emerged was softer, truer, lighter — not because she fought the change, but because she stopped fighting herself.
You’re Not Losing — You’re Shedding
When everything feels like it’s falling apart, it’s easy to believe you’re losing something essential.
But more often than not, you’re shedding something that was never truly you to begin with.
You’re not becoming someone else — you’re becoming more yourself than ever.
Yes, it’s scary.
Yes, it’s vulnerable.
Yes, it often comes with grief.
But buried in that grief is a quiet liberation.
You realize:
I’m not my job.
I’m not my relationship.
I’m not the role I play.
I’m not who I was taught to be.
And in that space, your true self finally has room to rise.
Embracing What’s Emerging
Every time you embrace change — whether willingly or not — you stretch.
You become more flexible, more compassionate, more honest, more real.
You stop needing life to be perfect and start becoming someone who can meet any version of life with grace.
That’s not just strength.
That’s freedom.
So when things feel like they’re falling apart, when something ends or shifts in a way you didn’t ask for, pause.
And instead of tightening, ask yourself:
- What might be trying to emerge here?
- Who am I without the old labels, expectations, or stories?
- Can I meet this change with curiosity instead of fear?
You don’t have to rush into a new identity.
Just stay open to the one that’s slowly, bravely rising to the surface.
Because your true self doesn’t need to be created —
your true self is already here.
It just needs the space to breathe.
I hope this has been helpful.
Come and join me in The Happiness Club — we do such powerful, heart-opening work together, and I’d love for you to be part of it.
Go to MoniqueRhodes.com, click on Courses, and you’ll find all the details there.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
