Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you'd like to know more about what I teach, come to howhappyami.com. You’ll find some details there to get started on this beautiful journey of learning how to be happier.
“Why Am I Always Chasing Happiness?”
One of my students emailed me and said:
"I feel like I'm always chasing happiness, but it never lasts. No matter what I achieve or change, I still feel like something's missing. Is there something wrong with me, or am I just not meant to feel happy?"
This question reflects a struggle so many people face—the belief that happiness is something we’ll eventually reach once everything falls into place. The truth is, real transformation begins when we train our minds to see what’s already here.
The Quiet Script: “Something Is Missing”
In all my years working with people on cultivating happiness, I’ve seen one pattern over and over again:
Most people are running a quiet background script that whispers, something is missing.
It shows up in subtle ways:
Comparison
Jealousy
Judgment
Perfectionism
Overachievement
Even “practical” thinking
Underneath all of it is a mindset that says:
I’ll be happy when…
When I get the job
When I lose the weight
When they change
When I stop hurting
When life finally gives me what I deserve
The Problem with “I’ll Be Happy When…”
This is what I call the lack mindset. And the trouble with it isn’t that it’s “wrong”—it’s that it’s endless.
Even when you get the job, the partner, the house, the praise—the voice still whispers:
It’s not quite enough.
The bar moves.
The goalposts shift.
And before long, you’re right back where you started:
Still chasing, still waiting.
Gratitude Is Where We Begin
That’s why, when I created The Happiness Baseline, I was very intentional about where we start.
We don’t begin with chasing goals or fixing flaws. We begin with gratitude.
Because until you can recognize the value of what’s already here,
nothing you chase will ever feel like enough.
What Gratitude Really Is
Gratitude isn’t about being polite.
It’s not about pretending things are perfect.
It’s not about ignoring your struggles.
It’s about training your mind to see life differently.
Our minds are wired to focus on what’s missing.
Unless you actively challenge that, your life will always feel like a problem to solve instead of a gift to experience.
This Is Neuroscience, Not Philosophy
This isn’t just a mindset trick—this is neuroscience.
Our brains have a natural negative bias.
We hold onto the bad and overlook the good.
But that can be rewired.
With practice, intention, and repetition, studies show that gratitude can:
Increase optimism
Improve sleep
Boost immune function
Reduce depression and anxiety
Why?
Because what you focus on, you feel.
And what you feel over and over becomes your emotional home.
What Gratitude Changes
When you notice what’s working…
When you see what’s beautiful…
When you focus on what’s available to you—even now—
Your mind softens,
Your nervous system relaxes,
Your heart opens.
And life stops feeling like a test you’re failing—
It starts feeling like something you get to participate in.
Gratitude Isn’t a List—It’s a Lens
Gratitude is not a one-time exercise.
It’s not a checklist.
It’s a lens.
It’s a posture.
It’s a habit.
And when practiced over time, it transforms how you move through life.
Gratitude and Negative Emotions Can’t Coexist
Gratitude and resentment can’t live in the same breath.
Gratitude and anxiety can’t dominate the same moment.
Gratitude becomes the bridge between where you think you are and where you want to be—
Because it helps you realize:
Maybe you’re already closer than you think.
Happiness Is Not “Out There”
If you can wake up and notice:
The light in your window
The warmth of your coffee
The friend who texted
The breath in your lungs
You begin to understand:
Happiness is not out there—it’s in here.
It’s in how you see,
What you honor,
And the stories you choose to tell yourself.
You Can Train Your Mind to Be Free
So many people live their lives believing happiness is determined by external circumstances.
But again and again, I’ve seen in my students the radical shift that happens when they realize:
It’s up to me.
I can change this.
I can train my mind to be more free.
Why We Begin With Gratitude
That’s why I don’t wait until week six to introduce gratitude in
The Happiness Baseline.
I start with it.
Because if you can rewire your relationship to what’s already here,
everything else becomes easier.
You stop grasping.
You stop comparing.
You stop waiting for life to begin.
And instead, you begin to inhabit your life—
Fully.
Tenderly.
Gratefully.
And from there,
everything changes.
Gratitude isn’t the end of happiness.
It’s the beginning.
I hope this has been helpful.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
