Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about what I teach, visit moniquerhodes.com. There, you’ll find a wealth of resources to support your journey.
The Question That Changes Everything
I received a thought-provoking letter from one of my students:
"I’ve been feeling stuck lately, like I’m not making any real progress in my life. I’m frustrated with myself because I keep falling into the same negative habits: getting angry over little things, procrastinating on what matters, and spending way too much time scrolling through social media. It feels like I’m constantly training myself to be someone I don’t want to be, but I don’t know how to stop. I look at others who seem disciplined and positive, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong. How do I break out of these patterns?"
This is such an important question. Life is practice. Every action we take—our thoughts, habits, reactions, and choices—is a form of repetition. With every moment, we’re training ourselves, whether consciously or not. And here’s the truth: What we practice, we get better at.
What Are You Training For?
This idea is simple but powerful. If every moment is practice, then the question becomes: What are you training for?
Most of us go through life without consciously considering what we’re practicing. We think we’re just cooking dinner, answering emails, or scrolling social media. But in reality, we’re practicing how we respond to life’s situations.
Take a moment to reflect:
- Are you practicing anger by reacting to things that frustrate you online or nitpicking others?
- Are you practicing insecurity by comparing yourself to others and convincing yourself you’re not enough?
- Are you practicing avoidance by procrastinating or letting plans fall through?
- Are you practicing victimhood by replaying stories of how you’ve been wronged or building walls instead of bridges?
The problem is that every time we repeat these behaviors, they become stronger. Like grooves on an old record, these patterns shape how we respond to everything. And often, we fall into these routines without questioning whether they’re helping us.
The Power of Awareness
The good news is that you have a choice. Just as you can unknowingly practice habits that hold you back, you can consciously practice habits that move you forward. Awareness is the key.
Ask yourself:
- What am I practicing in this moment?
- Is it making me better or reinforcing something I want to let go of?
This awareness isn’t about perfection or self-criticism—it’s about noticing. Every time you catch yourself in a negative habit, you create space to choose differently.
- If you’re practicing anger, pause and practice patience.
- If you’re practicing insecurity, celebrate one small thing about yourself.
- If you’re practicing avoidance, show up—even if it’s imperfect.
Each small shift helps rewrite the patterns you’re rehearsing. And the more you practice intentional habits, the easier they become.
Practicing What Matters
Think about the qualities that matter most to you—kindness, resilience, joy, connection. These aren’t innate traits; they’re skills you develop through deliberate practice.
- If you want to practice kindness, perform one thoughtful gesture today and repeat it tomorrow.
- If you want to practice gratitude, write down three things you’re grateful for every day.
- If you want to build courage, do one thing that feels uncomfortable daily.
Over time, these small acts compound. Just as negative habits reinforce themselves, positive ones do too. The more you practice kindness, the more natural it becomes. The more you practice courage, the less fear controls you.
Creating Your Masterpiece
Imagine yourself as a blank canvas. Every choice you make is a brushstroke. Are you painting a picture of yourself that you’re proud of, or are you letting your habits dictate the outcome?
This isn’t about making every moment productive or turning life into a checklist of self-improvement. It’s about realizing that even the smallest choices—how you speak to yourself, treat others, or respond to setbacks—shape who you are.
Start Small, Start Today
You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Begin with one small, intentional step. Ask yourself:
- What am I practicing right now?
- Is it leading me closer to the life I want?
If the answer is no, choose something different. Practice something better. Every moment is an opportunity to rewrite your story.
A Final Thought
The next time you catch yourself scrolling, reacting, or avoiding, pause. Take a breath and ask: What am I training for?
That one question has the power to change everything.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
