Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you'd like to know more about what it is that I teach, please come to iintendtobehappy.com and let's get you happier.
The Habit That Creeps In
There’s a subtle habit that’s really shaping our thoughts more than we realize. And it’s creeping in:
- Through our conversations,
- Through the media we consume,
- Through offhand comments we make without thinking twice.
This habit is the tendency to define ourselves by what we’re against.
You hear it everywhere:
- I can’t stand that politician.
- People who do that drive me crazy.
- I hate when they talk like that.
- This is everything that’s wrong with the world.
Before long, even if you’re intelligent, passionate, creative—you can start to build your entire identity out of frustration:
- What annoys you
- What offends you
- What you feel superior to
You Are More Than Your Complaints
Here’s the truth:
You are more than your complaints.
If you want to live a meaningful, happy life, you can’t keep building it on what drains you. You have to start rooting it in what lights you up.
What You Focus On, You Become
Every thought, emotional response, and bit of attention you give something reinforces it in your nervous system.
This isn’t spiritual fluff. This is brain science.
- Your brain is plastic—it changes with use.
- Whatever you consistently focus on becomes more familiar, automatic, and powerful in your mind.
If you spend your day noticing what you hate—
→ Hate becomes your mental habit.
If you focus on what frustrates you—
→ Frustration becomes your default.
If you’re always complaining—
→ Complaining becomes your inner dialogue.
This Doesn’t Mean Fake Happiness
This doesn’t mean being fake-happy or avoiding difficult things.
It means becoming intentional.
It means choosing to orient your life around what you stand for, not just what you’re trying to push away.
Because energy flows where attention goes, and the direction of your attention shapes your emotional life.
Do You Know What You’re For?
Ask most people what they don’t like, and they’ve got a list.
But ask:
- What do you love?
- What inspires you?
- What do you want to protect or nurture?
Most people pause.
And that pause says everything.
If you don’t know what you are for, the world will decide for you.
And it will hand you:
- Outrage
- Conflict
- Criticism
Why? Because that's how big corporations make money—keeping you reactive.
A reactive person is easier to control than a deeply grounded, deeply rooted one.
Let Your Values Lead
You don’t have to live like that. You can begin today by asking:
- What matters to me more than being right?
- What do I want to create—not just destroy?
- What energy do I want to bring into the spaces I walk through?
Let those questions guide your choices.
Focusing on what you are for doesn’t mean turning your back on injustice.
It means letting your values lead instead of your resentments.
You Don’t Fight Hate with More Hate
- You fight it by committing to compassion.
- You don’t dismantle what’s broken by yelling—you build something better.
- You don’t heal division by pointing out what’s wrong—you embody what’s right.
This is the difference between a life that’s reactive and one that’s intentional.
The Quiet Power of Living from Love
There’s a quiet power in people who live from love.
- Who are clear on their values, vision, and joy.
- Who don’t need to argue with every bad take online.
- Who don’t let bitterness define them.
They:
- Build things.
- Give energy to what grows life.
- Refuse to be consumed by what drains them.
They see what’s broken—but they don’t make it their identity.
Remember Who You Are
You can be one of those people.
Not by changing who you are—
But by remembering who you are beneath the noise.
When you look back at your life, you won’t be proud of how well you critiqued the world.
You’ll be proud of:
- How much you loved
- How deeply you cared
- How often you chose peace when war would’ve been easier
- How you uplifted, not just critiqued
Let yourself be known for what you build.
Be the person who:
- Listens more than they argue
- Creates more than they condemn
- Stands for something real
In a world constantly telling you what to fear and hate—
Being for something is revolutionary.
I hope this has been helpful.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
