Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about what I teach, visit moniquerhodes.com for wonderful resources to help you on your journey to happiness—because that’s all I care about.
I received a heartfelt question from one of my students:
"I don’t know when it happened exactly, but I feel like I’ve lost myself. It wasn’t one big thing—it was little compromises here and there: saying yes when I meant to say no, staying quiet when I should’ve spoken up, taking the easy way out instead of doing what I knew was right. And now, when I look at my life, it feels like I’m so far from the person I want to be. I don’t even know where to start, or if it’s possible to get back to that version of myself. How can I begin to reconnect with who I really am and start making changes that actually stick?"
This is a beautiful and insightful question, and I’ve seen so many people face this kind of situation. They look at their lives and wonder, Who am I? and How did I get here? Understanding this begins with recognizing something fundamental: our lives are built on small, seemingly insignificant choices.
The Power of Small Choices
Every day, we make hundreds of tiny decisions. While they may feel trivial in the moment, these choices collectively shape the course of our lives. Over time, they form habits, define our values, and determine who we become. This reality is both a warning and an opportunity.
We can lose ourselves through small compromises, or we can transform ourselves through small wins. The difference lies in the direction of those daily decisions—whether we’re moving closer to the person we want to be or drifting further away from our true selves.
How We Lose Ourselves
Losing yourself doesn’t usually happen all at once. It’s not one catastrophic decision or life-altering event. More often, it’s the result of small compromises accumulating over time.
- It might begin with saying yes to avoid conflict, even when you disagree.
- Cutting corners at work because you’re tired or stressed.
- Ignoring your intuition or choosing comfort over courage.
- Allowing someone else’s voice to drown out your own.
In isolation, these choices seem harmless. But every time we go against what we know is right for us, we chip away at our integrity, confidence, and sense of self. Over time, these compromises create a life that feels unrecognizable and hollow—a life built on decisions that weren’t truly ours.
Think of it like erosion. A single wave crashing against a rock may seem insignificant, but over time, wave after wave can tear down an entire structure. Similarly, small compromises can erode the foundation of who we are.
How We Reclaim Ourselves
Here’s the good news: just as we can lose ourselves through small compromises, we can transform ourselves through small wins. Small wins are the antidote to small compromises. These are the intentional choices we make every day that align with the person we want to become.
What makes small wins so powerful is their achievability. You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight or achieve a massive goal to start transforming yourself. Instead, focus on making tiny, meaningful choices that build momentum.
- Say no to something that doesn’t feel right.
- Speak up for yourself in a small way.
- Stick to a habit for one more day.
Each small win casts a vote for the person you want to be. If you want to be healthier, drink a glass of water instead of soda. If you want to be more courageous, share your opinion in a meeting. If you want to be more disciplined, work on your goals for five minutes today—even if you don’t feel like it.
The Compounding Effect
Small actions might not feel life-changing on their own, but they create a ripple effect of growth and transformation. Think of a bucket being filled one drop at a time. At first, it seems insignificant, but eventually, the bucket overflows. The same is true for small wins—they accumulate and compound over time.
This compounding effect works in every area of your life.
- Small compromises lead to stagnation or decline.
- Small wins create momentum and growth.
Over time, the gap between these two paths becomes enormous. One leads to a life that feels disconnected and hollow. The other leads to a life that feels aligned, purposeful, and fulfilling.
Steps to Reconnect with Yourself
If you feel like you’ve lost yourself through small compromises, here’s how to start reclaiming yourself:
- Awareness
Pay attention to the choices you’re making. Ask yourself:
- Do these align with my values and goals?
- Am I saying yes to things I don’t want?
- Am I cutting corners or ignoring my intuition to avoid discomfort?
Self-awareness is the first step, and it takes courage to recognize where compromises have been made.
- Create Small Wins
Look for opportunities to make small choices that align with your true self.
- Eat one healthy meal or take a 10-minute walk.
- Share one honest thought in a conversation.
- Work on a project for just five minutes today.
- Say no to one thing this week that doesn’t serve you.
Each small win builds your confidence, integrity, and sense of agency.
- Balance Grace and Accountability
Transformation doesn’t require perfection. You’ll have days when you slip into old habits. Don’t let those moments define you. Use them as opportunities to reflect, learn, and recommit. At the same time, hold yourself accountable. Small wins require effort, and transformation happens with consistency.
The Beauty of Small Wins
The beauty of small wins is that they remind us we’re never stuck. No matter how far you feel from the person you want to be, you can always start again. Transformation doesn’t require a grand gesture or perfect plan. It starts with one small, intentional choice, followed by another, and then another. Over time, these choices add up to a life that feels meaningful, aligned, and deeply your own.
Ask yourself: What’s one small choice I can make today that moves me closer to the life I want? Then take that step, knowing that with each win, you’re reclaiming yourself and transforming your life.
I hope this has been helpful. If you enjoy this podcast, I’d love it if you could give us a rating. Be kind to yourself, take care, and go gently in the world.
