Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to iintendtobehappy.com. It’s a great place to get started in doing some work with me.
The Fascination With Stories
I don’t know about you, but I’m fascinated by stories. Have you ever heard those stories where someone wakes up in a hospital after an accident and realizes they have no memory of who they are? It’s wild. I remember once being high up in the Himalayas, in a beautiful place called Dharamsala. One morning, I woke up while it was still dark, and for a moment, I couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t know where I was, what country I was in, or even who I was. It lasted about a minute, and it was extraordinary.
My body was intact, my senses were sharp, but my mind was a blank slate. The story of my life wasn’t accessible. It was a surreal experience, and it gave me a glimpse of what it might feel like to lose all sense of self. This imagined experience mirrors something real in our lives. Most of us don’t wake up in a hospital with amnesia, but many of us live as if we’ve forgotten who we truly are.
The Ego: A Construct of Fear
We move through the world clutching to identities we’ve constructed, desperately improvising a sense of self that feels secure. But these identities often leave us unfulfilled. This is what we call the ego—a fragile, fear-based identity built out of forgetfulness. The ego is the story we tell ourselves about who we are:
- I am my career.
- I am my appearance.
- I am my relationships.
- I am my achievements.
The problem with these identities is that they are fragile, built on shifting sands, and dependent on external validation. Deep down, we know they aren’t real. That’s why the ego is always grasping, comparing, and trying to prove itself. It’s a distraction from the truth we don’t want to face: that we’ve forgotten our true nature.
A Powerful Conversation
One of my students recently passed away, and before she did, we had a profound conversation. She said, “When I die, I think I’ll fall into a long sleep, and then God will wake me up and bring me into perfection.” I suggested a different perspective: “What if God shows you the perfection you’ve always been?” She began to cry, deeply moved by the idea. The way we act in the world often stems from forgetting our own perfection. This forgetfulness is the root of our unhappiness.
The Illusion of Separation
When we live as an ego, we exist in a state of separation:
- Separate from other people.
- Separate from the world.
- Separate from nature.
- Even separate from ourselves.
This creates a void that external things can never fill. The ego’s experience is often like falling—no matter how much we achieve or curate our lives, there’s a part of us that feels like we’re tumbling into an abyss of “not enoughness.” We fear being unimportant, unloved, and unworthy. But what if this abyss isn’t something to fear? What if it’s a gateway to finding ourselves?
Beyond the Ego Lies the True Self
The ego clings to identities out of fear that, without them, we are nothing. But beyond the ego lies a deeper, truer self—one that doesn’t need to grasp, perform, or prove. This true self isn’t defined by labels or achievements. It simply is.
To wake up from the dream of ego is to remember our true nature. This nature isn’t something we create—it’s something we uncover. It’s the part of us that’s always been whole, even when we feel broken; the part that’s connected to everything, even when we feel alone.
Living From a Place of Wholeness
When we remember who we truly are, we no longer need to cling to false identities. We don’t have to perform, compare, or strive for validation. Instead, we can live with a sense of peace and purpose that comes from within.
- We still pursue goals and nurture relationships, but not to prove our worth—rather, to express the truth of who we are.
- True happiness isn’t found in the ego’s stories of success or status; it’s found in moments where we let go of those stories and simply be.
A Happiness That Endures
Happiness arises when we live in alignment with our deeper self. It’s a quiet, steady joy that doesn’t depend on external circumstances. This kind of happiness can withstand setbacks, losses, and uncertainty because it’s rooted in something eternal.
The Journey of Remembering
To move beyond the fear and grasping of ego is to enter a state of connection, clarity, and peace. Realizing that we are not our labels, accomplishments, or roles frees us to live authentically. The journey of remembering who we are isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.
When we let go of the false self, we make room for a life that feels authentic, meaningful, and free. We discover a happiness that doesn’t fade with circumstances—a happiness that comes from knowing who we truly are.
I hope this has been helpful. Don’t forget to visit iintendtobehappy.com to get started on your journey to happiness. As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
