Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about what I teach, visit moniquerhodes.com. There, you’ll find plenty of resources to support your journey.
One of my students asked a wonderful question:
"I’ve always wanted to learn how to dance, but every time I think about it, I stop myself because I’m scared of looking awkward in front of others. And now I’m realizing it’s not just dancing. There are so many things I avoid because I don’t want to look foolish. How do I stop this fear from holding me back from doing the things I want to do?"
This is such a common challenge. Learning is one of the most powerful tools for personal growth, yet many of us avoid it—not because we lack curiosity, but because we fear the vulnerability it requires. At the heart of that fear is often our ego. The ego wants to protect us from embarrassment or failure, acting as a roadblock to stepping forward.
The Ego and the Fear of Learning
Our ego tells us it’s safer to stay in what we already know than to risk looking foolish by trying something new. But here’s the truth: real learning doesn’t happen in our comfort zones. It happens in the messy, awkward, and sometimes embarrassing process of being a beginner.
If we want to grow, we must be willing to step down from the pedestal of what we already know and embrace the discomfort of starting from scratch. This is true even in areas where we have expertise. For example, I’ve studied meditation for many years, yet I always try to approach it with a beginner’s mind. This mindset allows me to see things from a fresh perspective, which can be incredibly powerful.
No one likes looking foolish, whether it’s fumbling through a new skill or asking a question that reveals our ignorance. It’s uncomfortable. The ego tells us these moments harm our reputation or make us seem less capable. But when we step back, we realize this fear is often exaggerated.
The Truth About Judgement
Think about the last time you saw someone try something new. Did you mock them for their mistakes? Probably not. More likely, you admired their courage. Most people are too focused on their own challenges to judge us harshly for ours. Even if someone does criticize, their opinion doesn’t define us.
The ego, however, sees mistakes as permanent marks on our character. It convinces us to avoid situations where we might look bad, even when those situations hold the potential for growth. But learning anything new involves stepping into discomfort—whether it’s learning a language, trying a new sport, or picking up a professional skill. This discomfort is temporary and is the price we pay for growth.
The Learning Process
Every skill, no matter how advanced, starts with awkward beginnings. Think about learning to ride a bike or drive a car. At first, it felt daunting—wobbly training wheels or struggling with a stick shift. But today, those skills are second nature. The discomfort of being a beginner fades, and what remains is a skill that lasts a lifetime.
Reframing the Beginner’s Phase
What if we stopped seeing the beginner’s phase as something to avoid and instead embraced it? Failure isn’t a mark against us—it’s evidence we’re trying. Letting go of the ego frees us to experiment, make mistakes, and grow without fear. It’s about saying, “I’d rather look foolish for an hour than stay stuck for a lifetime.”
Adopting this mindset creates space for curiosity and courage. Asking questions, even basic ones, is a powerful way to learn. The people we admire for their expertise all started by admitting what they didn’t know. By asking questions, we not only seek answers but also demonstrate a commitment to growth.
The Rewards of Learning
Every meaningful accomplishment involves some degree of risk—learning is no different. The rewards of growth far outweigh the temporary discomfort of looking silly. The confidence and competence you develop stay with you, while the embarrassment fades. Each time you overcome the discomfort of being a beginner, you strengthen your ability to face future challenges.
How to Embrace a Beginner’s Mindset
- Accept Mistakes
Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re proof you’re trying. Approach learning with curiosity rather than fear.
- Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
Celebrate progress, no matter how small. It’s about improving little by little, not getting everything right immediately.
- Create a Supportive Environment
Surround yourself with people who encourage your efforts rather than criticize your mistakes.
- Remember It’s Temporary
The awkwardness of being a beginner doesn’t last forever. The skills and confidence you gain far outweigh the initial discomfort.
- Detach from Judgements
Your worth isn’t tied to how quickly you learn or how well you perform. Most people are too focused on their own challenges to scrutinize yours.
Moving Forward
Willingness to look foolish is a gift. It shows humility, courage, and a commitment to growth. Every expert started as a beginner. Every success story began with someone willing to struggle, fail, and try again. The next time your ego tells you to play it safe, remember: the discomfort of learning is temporary, but the rewards of growth last a lifetime.
Embrace the struggle. Ask the questions. Take the first step. You’re not just learning a skill—you’re building a life.
I hope this has been helpful. As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
