Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you want to finish the year in spectacular style, I suggest you join my Flying Start Workshop. Visit moniquerhodes.com, click on courses, and spend time with me reflecting on the past year and preparing for the new one. It’s an incredibly powerful way to let go of the past and face the future with hope.
The Weight of Regret and Fear
Recently, one of my students shared that she feels paralyzed by fear for her future because she’s carrying so much regret about her past. Her words were raw and honest, reflecting something many of us wrestle with. Regret and fear often walk hand in hand, convincing us that our mistakes will dictate our future. But here’s the truth: You can’t change your past, but you can absolutely reframe it. The story of your life isn’t set in stone—it’s alive, evolving, and within your power to rewrite.
Regret is one of the heaviest emotions we carry. It’s rooted in the past, something we can’t go back and fix. It tells us stories of what we should have done, paths we should have taken, and the person we could have been if only we’d made different choices. It’s no wonder regret fuels fear—if we believe our past defines us, it’s easy to feel trapped, as though we’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
But this belief, while powerful, isn’t true. The past isn’t a life sentence—it’s a teacher. Like any good teacher, it offers lessons to carry forward, not burdens to weigh us down forever.
Reframing the Past
The first step to moving forward is to stop seeing the past as something that controls you. Yes, the past has shaped you, but it doesn’t have the power to define you unless you let it. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you think about it.
Reframing the past starts with asking:
- What can I learn from this?
- What did these experiences teach me about myself, the world, and what I truly value?
Even the most painful mistakes contain lessons if we’re willing to look for them. For example:
- If you regret a missed opportunity, that regret might teach you the value of seizing chances in the future.
- If you’ve made choices you’re not proud of, those moments might highlight the values you now hold dear.
- If you’ve faced heartbreak or failure, perhaps it taught you resilience or the importance of leaning on others.
Reframing doesn’t erase what happened—it transforms it. It allows you to see your past, not as a series of mistakes, but as a series of lessons that have shaped your understanding of yourself and the world.
Owning Your Story
One of the most empowering truths about life is that you get to decide the story you tell about your past. This isn’t about ignoring reality or sugarcoating what happened—it’s about choosing to focus on the meaning you’ve made from it.
For my student, the question becomes:
- What if your past isn’t a story of regret, but a story of resilience?
- What if it’s not about failure, but about finding the strength to rise again?
The same past that fills you with regret also holds moments of courage, survival, and growth. It brought you to this moment, with all the wisdom and experience you have now. The way you talk about your past—to yourself and to others—shapes how you feel about it. If you can find the teachable moments and opportunities for growth, you can shift from regret to empowerment.
Facing the Future Without Fear
When you carry regret, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the road ahead. Fear whispers that you’ll make the same mistakes or never escape the shadow of your past. But fear isn’t telling you the truth.
Your future isn’t built from your past—it’s built from your next step. Every small choice you make today shapes the life you’ll live tomorrow. You don’t need to have the whole path figured out. Just take one step at a time.
Start small:
- Reach out to someone you’ve been distant from.
- Forgive yourself for something you’ve been holding onto.
- Simply get out of bed and decide to try again.
Each small step forward is a declaration: I’m not my past. I’m the choices I make today.
Transforming Regret into Purpose
The lessons you’ve learned from your past aren’t just for you—they’re gifts you can share with others. When you take the hardest parts of your story and use them to help someone, you transform regret into purpose.
Think about the people in your life who’ve shared their struggles and the lessons they’ve learned. Their openness likely gave you hope, wisdom, or a sense of connection. You have the power to do the same for someone else. Your story, no matter how messy or painful, can be a lifeline for someone walking a similar path.
What if the very things you regret are the things that will help someone else find their way? What if your story isn’t just about you, but about the people it will inspire?
Hope for Today and Tomorrow
Regret and fear can feel suffocating, but they don’t have to control you.
- Reframe your past as a foundation for growth, not a series of failures.
- Choose to see your story as one of resilience and strength.
- Remember, the future is still unwritten. It doesn’t matter how many wrong turns you’ve taken—what matters is the step you take next.
Start small. Start messy. But start. Every step forward is proof that your story isn’t over—it’s just beginning.
A Fresh Start
This is why The Flying Start Workshop is so important. It gives us the opportunity to reflect on the past year and step into the new year with confidence and clarity. Together, we can create a life that aligns with your goals and dreams.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
