Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more, visit moniquerhodes.com, and we’ll help you get started on your journey to happiness.
The Loop of Regret
We’ve all been there. A mistake happens, and your mind locks onto it like a dog with a bone. You replay that moment over and over again, dissecting it from every angle:
- What if I’d done this instead?
- Why didn’t I say that?
- How could I have been so careless?
The past begins to take up residence in your mind, pulling you away from the present moment and trapping you in an endless loop of regret or self-criticism. This habit of replaying the past is one of the mind’s tricks. It’s what we call attachment—latching onto what’s already happened as if obsessing over it can somehow change it. But of course, it can’t. The past is over, and it can’t be undone. The only question that matters now is: What do I do next?
Replaying a Scene That Doesn’t Change
When you get stuck replaying a moment in your mind, it’s like pressing rewind on a movie you don’t even enjoy. The scene doesn’t change, no matter how many times you go back to it. Instead, the replay creates more tension, frustration, and distance from what truly matters: the present moment and the choices in front of you.
This mental habit is exhausting. It drains your energy, lowers your confidence, and pulls your focus away from what you can actually control. But here’s the reality: life doesn’t wait for you to perfect your last move. Life keeps moving forward, and your best chance at happiness and growth lies in moving with it.
Adopting the Next Play Mindset
In sports psychology, athletes are often taught to adopt a next play mentality. If you miss a shot, lose possession, or make a mistake, you don’t stay stuck in that moment. Instead, you reset, refocus, and move on to the next play. Why? Because the game isn’t over, and your performance going forward depends on your ability to let go of what just happened.
I remember being at the French Open and watching a well-known player lose her semifinal match because she couldn’t let go of points she had just lost. It was fascinating to watch, and I remember thinking how much meditation could help her. The inability to let go held her back. This mindset of letting go applies to life just as much as it does to sports.
We can’t always control the mistakes we make, but we can control how we respond to them. Do you dwell on the past, or do you step forward into the present moment with intention?
The Illusion of Control
Replaying the past is so tempting because it gives you the illusion of control. You think, If I can just understand what went wrong, I’ll feel better. I’ll fix it. But this kind of rumination rarely leads to clarity. Instead, it often leads to more confusion, self-blame, and even paralysis. It becomes a repetitive loop of thoughts and emotions that keep us stuck.
The more we feed these thoughts, the more power they have over us. Breaking free from this cycle doesn’t require perfection or force—it requires awareness.
Awareness as the First Step
The moment you notice you’re stuck in a mental replay, you’ve already taken the first step toward freedom. Awareness allows you to pause, breathe, and remember that the past can’t be changed. What matters now is what you choose to do next.
Letting go of the replay creates space for happiness to re-enter your life. Happiness isn’t found in perfectly avoiding mistakes—it’s found in how you respond to them. It’s found in the courage to step forward, take the next play, and keep showing up, no matter what came before.
Life Is Not a Perfect Game
Life isn’t a perfect game, and no one plays it without making mistakes. But every moment gives us a chance to reset. Every moment offers the opportunity to choose differently, to act with clarity, and to align ourselves with what truly matters.
Happiness isn’t in the rewind button. It’s in the play button. It’s in embracing the flow of life—mistakes and all—and trusting that each moment is another chance for you to begin again.
Your Next Play
The next time you find yourself stuck in a mental replay, pause and remember: It’s done. It’s over. The past is behind you. The only thing that matters now is making the best choice from here. Take a breath, and step into your next play. That’s where life is waiting for you.
I hope this has been helpful. As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
