Is Happiness Necessary?

Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast. We’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to howhappyami.com. It gives you a quiz and helps you get started on seeing how happy you are.

One of my students and I were having a conversation, and he said, “Listen, I don’t even know the answer to this question, but is happiness actually necessary?” This is a helpful question because happiness is something we all crave. In a world that’s becoming more fixated on chasing happiness, it’s easy to misunderstand what happiness truly is and how it can best serve us. When we look at it from a worldly perspective, happiness becomes narrow, as if it’s something we can chase down or hold onto forever. This approach leaves us feeling frustrated and exhausted, like life is an endless game of reaching for elusive happiness but never quite getting there.

In teaching people how to be happier, I often find that what people truly want is not just fleeting joyful moments but a deeper, more stable sense of satisfaction and purpose. They want happiness that can be woven into every part of life, not just the good times but also the difficult times. This kind of happiness means we’re not denying life’s hard parts; we’re moving through difficult times with grace.

Happiness is important and necessary, but only when we understand it as something broader, resilient, and rich that accompanies us throughout life. So let’s shift how we think about happiness. It’s easy to imagine happiness as a state of euphoria or excitement. I see joy and happiness differently: joy is a peak experience, while real happiness isn’t confined to high points. Real happiness lives in the quiet, steady satisfaction that comes from living in alignment with our values, feeling a sense of purpose, and connecting deeply with others.

This kind of happiness is solid, grounded, and stable. It’s less about intensity and more about consistency. I often think of happiness as a campfire—a beautiful, warm glow. It’s not a burst of fireworks; it’s something steady, warm, and enduring. It’s a fire that sustains you. This is the kind of happiness we’re after, one that isn’t swayed by every disappointment or setback, one rooted in peace, acceptance, and a love of life that embraces everything it brings.

If we redefine happiness this way, we stop pursuing it as a goal to achieve and turn it into a way of being. This shift isn’t about giving up on joy or pleasure; it’s about broadening our understanding of happiness. Real happiness doesn’t require pushing away sadness, frustration, or fear. Instead, it invites us to embrace these emotions as valuable parts of our human experience. When we welcome all our emotions, we build a foundation that allows happiness to coexist with even our most difficult feelings.

Think of happiness as the solid ground beneath us. Even when life throws us off balance—when we’re navigating grief, hardship, or disappointment—that foundation remains. We can stand on it while feeling sadness or frustration, knowing that happiness isn’t erased by the presence of other emotions. This kind of happiness is resilient, holding us through the ups and downs and offering us a place to return to again and again.

True happiness finds its deepest roots in meaning and purpose, the forces that give life direction and significance. It’s about more than feeling good; it’s about knowing that what we do matters. Imagine the satisfaction of pursuing a passion, working toward a goal, or helping someone in need. This isn’t always traditionally happy, but it brings a sense of satisfaction beyond momentary pleasure. This happiness grows from a life lived with intention and integrity.

When we seek meaning and purpose, we build happiness that’s not about quick wins but about lasting fulfillment. This is happiness that carries us forward and supports us in tough times. It’s happiness born from a commitment to ourselves, our growth, the people we love, and the things we believe in. It doesn’t come with the thrill of novelty; it’s the steady hum of contentment, the quiet confidence that life is unfolding as it should.

Connection is also crucial. Happiness is deeply intertwined with connection—to others, ourselves, and life itself. Real happiness comes from feeling part of something bigger than ourselves. When we open our hearts, listen, and offer compassion, we experience happiness beyond the personal and find shared joy. This kind of happiness isn’t just about “me”; it’s about “us.”

The simple truth is that human beings are wired for connection. The happiness from connection is profound. It’s the happiness of being seen, valued, and heard, and seeing, hearing, and valuing others in return. That happiness strengthens us and reminds us we’re never truly alone.

Happiness, when understood fully, is less of an emotion and more of a skill. It’s a way of being that we can practice and cultivate. It’s a habit. We train ourselves to notice moments of beauty, find meaning in the ordinary, open our hearts to both joy and sorrow, and live with gratitude. It’s the art of aligning with our values, caring for ourselves and others, and finding peace in the present moment.

If we embrace happiness as a life skill, we stop seeing it as something only for sunny days. It becomes a resource we can draw on, even in difficult times. I used to think happiness was about making everything in my life good so I could be happy all the time. But instead, it’s about being happy all the time, and then everything in my life becomes good.

So, is happiness necessary? Yes, but not as a fleeting feeling or elusive destination. It’s a foundation that holds us through all of life’s experiences. It’s a happiness big enough to encompass the full range of who we are, a happiness that strengthens and connects us. When we embrace happiness this way, it’s not just something we experience; it’s something we become. Happiness weaves into the fabric of our lives, enriching every moment and giving us the resilience to meet life with an open heart and a grounded, steady spirit.

I hope this is helpful. As always, I want you to be happy. Be kind, take care of each other and yourself, and go gently in the world.