Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about what I do, come to moniquerhodes.com. You’ll find a lot of information there about what I teach, and I hope I can help you become happier.
I want to share something that might surprise you: I’m afraid a lot. That might sound odd, considering I’ve lived an extremely adventurous life. I’ve traveled all over the world alone, even spending four years riding a motorcycle through India at a time when it was very challenging for women there. I have photos of myself on the highest motorable road in the world, barely able to breathe. I’ve done so many exciting and adventurous things, but I’m still afraid a lot.
Fear has a way of gripping our hearts and minds, convincing us that it’s safer to stay where we are than to step into the unknown. Fear can be relentless, showing up precisely when we’re on the edge of growth or change. It gives us every reason to stop, wait, or shrink back into our comfort zones. But what if fear isn’t the problem? What if fear is not a sign to retreat but an invitation to step up?
From my experience, sometimes fear doesn’t subside. In those moments, the only way forward is to do it afraid.
When I was 25, my friends took me to a tall building in Central Auckland for my birthday. I was excited, thinking we were going to meet someone special. Instead, they had purchased a rap jump for me, which meant abseiling face-forward down a 15-story building. What they didn’t know was that I had an enormous fear of heights. I had been terrified of heights since I was a kid, unable to abseil down a rock wall at school camp. I couldn’t trust the rope then, and now I was being asked to trust it on a 15-story building.
My friends had spent a lot of money on this experience, and I didn’t want to let them down. I realized the only thing standing between me and doing it was my fear. This was long before I had learned how to work with my mind, so I focused on managing my fear for the next half hour. I insisted on going first to avoid seeing others do it, and I did it. When I reached the bottom, I cried. It was so overwhelming. Then I went straight back to the top and asked to do it again, wanting to imprint in my brain that I could do it.
From that day forward, I started embracing activities like hang gliding and aerobatics in a tiger moth biplane. We often imagine courage as fearlessness, but that’s not true. Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the choice to act despite it. Courage is the ability to feel discomfort, doubt, and anxiety and move forward anyway. It’s not about being reckless or ignoring risks but about refusing to let fear dictate our lives. It’s about trusting that what lies beyond the fear is worth the discomfort of facing it head-on.
Fear is persistent because it’s how we’re wired. The mind uses fear to protect us from harm, keeping us safe from the unknown. While fear can be helpful in truly dangerous situations, it often shows up when we’re stepping into something new. Whether it’s public speaking, starting a new career, pursuing a dream, or having an honest conversation, fear often holds us back. These things aren’t life-threatening, but they are uncomfortable. The challenge is recognizing this and moving forward anyway.
Think about moments when fear was the loudest in your life. Maybe it was applying for a job you didn’t feel qualified for, saying “I love you” for the first time, or putting your work into the world. Did the fear disappear before you acted? Probably not. More likely, you took the leap while fear sat beside you. Afterward, you may have realized you were capable of more than you thought and that taking the step was worth it.
One of the biggest misconceptions about fear is that it needs to be conquered before we act. We tell ourselves, “I’ll start when I feel ready” or “I’ll wait for the fear to go away.” But readiness is a myth. Fear doesn’t magically vanish before we begin. It’s in the act of starting that we build confidence. Action creates momentum, and with each step forward, fear loses some of its power.
When we choose to do something while we’re afraid, we take back control from fear. We show ourselves that fear doesn’t define us or dictate our actions. Instead of driving our lives, fear becomes a passenger—something we acknowledge but don’t let steer the course. Each step forward builds trust in ourselves. We discover that we can navigate uncertainty, handle discomfort, and do hard things.
Doing it afraid shows us that fear isn’t as powerful as it seems. Much of our fear is rooted in imagined scenarios—what-ifs of failure, embarrassment, or rejection. But as someone who regularly acts despite fear, I’ve found that the actual experience is far less intimidating than imagined. Even when things don’t go perfectly, I gain something invaluable: the knowledge that I tried and became stronger for it.
Courage is a muscle that grows stronger with use. The more you practice moving forward despite fear, the more resilient you become. Each act of courage builds upon the last, creating a foundation of self-trust, which is incredibly powerful. With self-trust, fear becomes familiar and manageable. You learn that fear is part of the process, not a barrier to it. It won’t fully disappear, but it doesn’t need to. Growth happens in moments of discomfort when we lean into fear instead of pulling away.
I love calling fear “scary exciting.” When fear shows up, I get excited because I know I’m stepping into growth. Staying in our comfort zones may feel easier in the short term, but it keeps us from discovering our potential. The life we want to live, the person we want to become, is almost always on the other side of fear.
When fear arises, focus on what matters more than the fear itself. What’s on the other side of the discomfort? Maybe it’s pursuing a passion, building a meaningful connection, or creating a life aligned with your values. The fear might not go away, but your reasons for moving forward can outweigh it.
Doing it afraid isn’t easy, but it’s transformative. It’s how you grow, build a life filled with meaning and purpose, and find lasting happiness. Each act of courage strengthens your ability to face challenges, take risks, and show up for yourself and others. Fear doesn’t have to stop you; it can walk beside you without holding you back.
Next time fear rises up, acknowledge it, let it be there, but don’t let it control you. Take the step anyway. Courage isn’t about waiting for fear to fade; it’s about acting in spite of it. In doing so, you’ll find a deeper strength—one that comes from knowing you’re capable of living boldly, even when the path is uncertain.
Fear will always be part of the equation, but it’s not the whole story. When you act despite fear, you move closer to the life you’re meant to live and the person you want to become. I hope you’ll start to see fear differently—not as a barrier but as an indicator that you’re growing and stretching yourself.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
