Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind Podcast, where we're learning how to be happier by working with our minds.
If you’d like to know more about what I teach, come to MoniqueRhodes.com and try the Happiness Quiz. Let’s see how happy you are.
Are You Acting From Compassion or From Fear?
It's an important question to ask yourself:
Are you acting from compassion or from fear?
This question can change the entire way you move through the world—if you’re brave enough to sit with it.
Most of the time, we don’t realize what’s driving our actions. We react quickly, out of habit, without pausing to ask where our response is coming from.
For many of us, our actions come from fear—
Fear of conflict.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of not being enough.
The tricky part is that fear can sound incredibly reasonable. Fear can wear a mask that looks like love. It can mimic compassion so convincingly that you genuinely think you're helping when you're actually avoiding. You might think you're being generous, but underneath you're afraid of being disliked. You might think you're being patient, but you're abandoning your own boundaries because speaking up feels too risky.
Fear doesn’t always show up loudly; sometimes it whispers. Sometimes it performs. Sometimes it convinces you that you’re being kind when really, you’re scared.
What Compassion Actually Feels Like
Compassion doesn’t always look soft or sweet.
It’s not about saying yes to everything.
It doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you.
Compassion is strong.
It’s grounded.
It tells the truth—even when the truth is uncomfortable.
It can walk away if needed, but it walks away with love, not drama.
Compassion never comes with a clench in your chest or a knot in your stomach. Compassion feels spacious, steady, and clear—even in difficulty.
A Real Example
I once worked with a woman struggling with a colleague at work. He was repeatedly interrupting her, dismissing her ideas, and making subtle cutting remarks—something many of us have experienced.
She stayed quiet for months, convincing herself that she was being compassionate. She didn’t want to make waves or seem dramatic. She didn’t want to damage the relationship.
But when we slowed things down, she saw the real reason:
She wasn’t protecting the relationship; she was protecting herself from fear—fear of being disliked, misunderstood, or making things worse.
Once she recognised this, she also saw the cost:
The resentment.
The tension in her body.
The distraction.
And the distance she’d created from herself by pretending everything was fine.
Then she asked herself a new question:
What would it look like to respond from compassion—for myself?
Something shifted. She wrote a calm, clear, grounded email that simply stated the truth. Not to attack, but to advocate for herself.
She was nervous when she sent it, but something in her was more at ease. She wasn’t trying to control the outcome or make anyone else change. She was standing in alignment with herself.
And interestingly, the colleague responded better than she expected. But even if he hadn’t, she knew she had acted from love, not fear—and that changed everything.
Fear vs. Compassion: Where Are You Acting From?
Two people can say yes to the same thing.
One says yes from genuine generosity.
The other says yes from fear of disappointing someone.
They perform the same action, but the internal experience is completely different.
Fear narrows.
It tightens.
It creates urgency and tells you something bad will happen if you don’t comply.
Compassion opens.
It steadies.
It responds with presence rather than panic.
Your body knows the difference.
Fear speeds you up.
Compassion slows you down.
A Practice of Returning
Acting from compassion rather than fear isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a practice.
It’s a moment-to-moment remembering.
It’s noticing when you’ve gone tight…
When your words feel sharp…
When your actions are driven by avoidance rather than connection…
And it’s pausing and asking:
If I wasn’t afraid right now, what would I do?
This isn’t about shaming yourself.
It’s about coming back into right relationship with your own heart.
The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes. You start to trust that you can face difficult moments without abandoning yourself. You begin to feel the difference between tension and truth.
And from that place, your life becomes steadier. Softer. Stronger.
You don’t have to get it perfect.
But every time you choose compassion over fear, you create more space inside yourself—and from that space, everything becomes possible.
I hope this is helpful.
As always, be kind. Take care. Go gently in the world.
