Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning to be happier by working with our minds. If you'd like to know more about what I teach, come to moniquerhodes.com, where you’ll find a wealth of information to help you.
The Challenge of Seeing the Good in Others
One of my students recently wrote to me about something that’s been weighing on her heart. She said it feels difficult to see the good in people right now. She wanted to know if I had any advice for how to navigate this.
We live in a world that feels more fractured than ever. People are pitted against each other—divided by politics, beliefs, and even identities. The media feeds us reasons to distrust, judge, and harden our hearts. Every day, headlines scream about conflict. Social media encourages outrage, turning even simple disagreements into battlegrounds. Conversations that once felt easy with friends and family now feel like minefields.
Yet, even in times like this—or perhaps especially in times like this—it is essential to try to see the good in each other. Not because it’s easy. Not because it means ignoring harm. But because if we don’t, we risk losing the very thing that makes us human: our ability to connect, to understand, and to love.
The Danger of Certainty and Division
When tensions are high, it’s natural to retreat into certainty—to believe that we are right and they are wrong. The world begins to split into two groups:
- Good and bad.
- Us and them.
And, of course, we always see ourselves on the “good” side.
But when we do this, we stop seeing people as individuals. Instead, we reduce them to categories, assumptions, and labels. We stop seeing who they actually are. This is especially true in times of turmoil. When people feel threatened, their anger rises, their judgment hardens, and compassion feels like a luxury they can’t afford.
We start believing that extending kindness to someone who thinks differently is the same as excusing their beliefs. We convince ourselves that we can’t see the good in someone if we also see their flaws.
But here’s the truth:
We can do both.
We can recognize someone’s humanity without agreeing with them.
We can see the good in someone while still holding them accountable.
No person is just one thing. No one is wholly righteous, and no one is wholly lost.
The Cost of Cynicism
To see the good in people is not to be naïve. It is to resist the pull of cynicism. It is to refuse to become what we claim to stand against.
When we decide that some people are beyond redemption, beyond kindness, beyond even the possibility of being understood, we contribute to the very division we fear.
Psychology backs this up. Studies show that when we expect people to be cruel, selfish, or untrustworthy, we unconsciously treat them in ways that make them more likely to act that way. This is called the Pygmalion effect—people often rise or fall to meet the expectations placed upon them.
If we assume the worst in others, we interact with them in ways that harden their defenses, deepen their hostility, and close the door to meaningful dialogue. But when we choose to see the good—when we look beyond the surface, the headlines, and our own self-protective judgments—we create the conditions for change. We allow for the possibility of understanding. We open the door for connection.
The Challenge of Compassion in Difficult Times
Of course, this is easier said than done. It’s painful to try and see the good in people who have caused harm, spoken with cruelty, or seemed indifferent to suffering. It feels unnatural to extend grace when we ourselves are hurting.
But seeing the good doesn’t mean ignoring injustice.
It doesn’t mean silencing our anger.
It doesn’t mean accepting what is unacceptable.
It simply means refusing to believe that hate is the only response left. It means acknowledging that every person has a story. That fear and pain often drive the worst of human behavior. And it means understanding that real, lasting change only happens when we stop treating each other as enemies and start treating each other as human.
The Link Between Compassion and Happiness
There’s a deep connection between our ability to see the good in others and our own happiness. Studies show that people who practice compassion and gratitude—who look for goodness rather than focusing on negativity—report:
- Higher life satisfaction
- Better mental health
- Stronger relationships
- Even longer lives
When we assume the worst in people, we carry the weight of that assumption. We walk through the world expecting hostility, bracing for conflict. That weight is heavy, and it makes us tired.
But when we train our minds to see the good, we lighten the load. We create space for hope. We allow for the possibility that the world isn’t as broken as it seems.
Hope Is a Choice
Right now, it’s easy to feel hopeless. It’s easy to believe that the world is divided beyond repair. But hopelessness is a choice—just as seeing the good is a choice.
If there is any hope for healing—
For ourselves,
For our communities,
For the world—
It begins with how we choose to see each other.
Even when it’s hard, even when the world gives us every reason to feel cynical, I want to encourage you to look again.
To see beyond the anger.
To see beyond the fear.
To believe in each other.
Not because it’s easy.
But because it’s necessary.
No matter how dark things seem, goodness is still there.
The more we look for it, the more we’ll find it.
I hope this has been helpful. As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
