Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you'd like to know more about what I teach, come to iintendtobehappy.com. That is where you’ll find a wonderful course to get you started on this work I do—teaching people how to be happier.
A Letter From a Student
I received an email from one of my students who wrote:
"I'm struggling to support someone I really care about. They're going through a tough time, and I can see them falling into old patterns—playing small, second-guessing themselves, getting stuck in fear. I want to help, but I don’t know how. When I point out what they're doing wrong or try to fix the situation, it just seems to push them further away. I don't want to make them feel worse, but I also don’t want to stand by and do nothing. How do I support someone without criticizing them? How do I help them grow without making them feel judged or ashamed?"
This is not an uncommon situation. When we care about someone, we want to help them heal, support them to grow, and step into their full potential.
Why Criticism Doesn’t Work
When we see someone stuck in limiting patterns, our instinct is often to point out what’s not working. But the truth is, the most transformative kind of support rarely starts with critique—it begins with encouragement.
Change doesn’t happen because someone tells us what’s broken.
It happens when someone reflects back what’s still whole in us—
What’s strong,
What’s working,
What’s alive.
People don’t grow because they’re told they’re broken.
They grow because someone sees in them something they’ve forgotten—
Their strength,
Their resilience,
Their possibility.
Speak to Their Strengths
If you really want to help someone grow:
- Don’t point out their fear—speak to their courage.
- Don’t dissect their mistakes—acknowledge what they’ve overcome.
- Don’t say, You shouldn’t be doing this—say, I see what you’re capable of.
The invitation to become larger is always more powerful than the shame of being small.
Hold a Mirror to Their Light
Helping someone grow means holding up a mirror—not to their flaws, but to their light.
- Tell the person who doubts their worth, I see how you show up with heart, even when it’s hard.
- Tell the person who fears starting over, You’ve already survived what you thought would break you—what makes you think you can’t do it again?
- Tell the person who feels stuck, You’re not stuck—you’re becoming.
Growth doesn’t come from being torn apart. It comes from being seen—deeply, lovingly, and without condition.
Encouragement Is Not Denial
Some people confuse encouragement with blind positivity—as if we’re ignoring real struggles. But encouragement is not denial. It’s not pretending the pain isn’t there.
Encouragement says:
- Yes, this part is hard—but look what else is here.
- Yes, you’ve made mistakes—but look what you’ve learned.
- Yes, you feel small—but I still see your bigness.
People step into their power not when they’re reminded of their failures, but when they feel safe, supported, and seen.
Planting Seeds of Joy
I always say: sow the seeds of joy first.
Build a garden full of flowers before you start pulling weeds.
- When there’s more joy than struggle, more love than judgment,
- Then you can face the tough stuff—because the ground is solid.
If you want to help someone, focus on building their strength. Help them find the ground beneath their feet.
Be the Person Who Sees Their Potential
The world is already full of criticism.
- Media tells people they’re not enough.
- Institutions tell people they’re not enough.
- The voice in their own head tells them they’re not enough.
What’s rare—and powerful—is to be the person who chooses to amplify someone’s strength,
Who nurtures possibility instead of punishing mistakes.
We become who we are through relationship.
So if you want to bring out the best in others, you have to look for the best—even when they can’t see it yet.
Most people don’t change because they’re pushed.
They change because they’re called forward—by hope, by love, by a vision of themselves that’s brighter than the one they’ve been holding.
Call Them Into Growth
If you want to help someone grow:
- Don’t focus on what makes them small.
- Call out what makes them larger.
- Water it.
- Name it.
- Trust it.
And watch what begins to rise.
I hope this has been helpful. Don’t forget to come to iintendtobehappy.com.
As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
