Hi, this is Monique Rhodes. Welcome to the In Your Right Mind podcast, where we’re learning how to be happier by working with our minds. If you’d like to know more about how to be happier, visit moniquerhodes.com and find resources to help you live a happier life.
A Life-Changing Question
When I was 19 years old, I found myself in a massive crisis. In that pivotal moment, I asked myself a question that would shape the rest of my life: What do I want with my life? This wasn’t a casual question like, What do I want to do with my career? It was much bigger. I wasn’t asking about milestones or achievements—I was asking about the essence of how I wanted to live. The answer came back to me clearly: I want to live an extraordinary life.
At 19, I didn’t know exactly what extraordinary would look like, but I knew it wouldn’t happen by accident. I had seen people around me waiting for life to come to them, assuming something extraordinary would just appear out of nowhere. Deep down, I knew this wasn’t how it worked—and it doesn’t.
I recently read a quote by the poet Charles Bukowski that resonated deeply with me:
"I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but as the years wasted on, nothing ever did unless I caused it."
This quote reaffirmed what I already knew: if I wanted an extraordinary life, I had to build it. I had to make deliberate choices, take risks, and refuse to settle for mediocrity.
Defining an Extraordinary Life
For me, living an extraordinary life wasn’t about fame, wealth, or accolades. It wasn’t about the world’s definition of success. It was about depth, meaning, and crafting a life that felt like my own. It was about living a life I could look back on without regret, knowing I had given it everything.
Living an extraordinary life means something different for everyone. For some, it’s about adventure and exploration. For others, it’s about building deep relationships or making an impact. The specifics don’t matter as much as the intention. The important question is: What would make my life feel rich, alive, and meaningful?
When I asked myself this question, I realized I didn’t want to wake up every day feeling like I was just going through the motions. I wanted to create, connect, and contribute. I wanted to feel truly alive.
The Power of Everyday Choices
We often think happiness or fulfillment will arrive in a flash—the dream job, the perfect partner, or the big achievement. While those moments are wonderful, they aren’t what make life extraordinary. What makes life extraordinary are the small, intentional choices we make every day:
- The way we choose to show up, even when it’s hard.
- The risks we take, even when fear tells us to play it safe.
- The beauty we notice in the ordinary moments.
An extraordinary life isn’t something we wait for—it’s something we cause.
A Life That’s Uniquely Mine
This morning, I woke up and thought, Mon, you’ve really hit the jackpot. You’ve lived an extraordinary life. My life has been incredible. From touring as a musician for years, to traveling the world, riding a motorcycle through India for four years, meeting extraordinary people, and having unbelievable experiences—my life has been filled with richness.
But what makes it extraordinary is that it’s mine. It’s not a life everyone would want.
- The roads where I live aren’t paved.
- My car is old because importing one is expensive.
- There’s no Amazon delivery, and getting takeaway food is nearly impossible.
Yet, every morning, I wake up surrounded by nature. I swim in the ocean with my dogs, play tennis, and have deep, meaningful conversations with friends. I feel loved and like I belong. This is my extraordinary life. It’s not perfect, but it’s aligned with what matters to me.
The Responsibility of Choosing Your Life
Deciding to live an extraordinary life comes with a responsibility. I couldn’t blame anyone else for my circumstances. I couldn’t wait for someone or something to hand me the life I wanted. This realization was both terrifying and freeing—it meant my life was mine to shape.
Happiness isn’t something that comes from the outside. It’s not about what you achieve or what you have—it’s about how you live. It’s about aligning your actions with your values, living with courage and curiosity, and embracing the uncertainty of the road ahead.
Living Fully and Authentically
For me, happiness and living an extraordinary life go hand in hand—but not in the way most people think. It’s not about reaching a perfect, effortless place. It’s about the fulfillment that comes from knowing you’re living fully and authentically. When you live intentionally, you choose your path. You discover a deeper, more enduring joy that comes from being in harmony with your values and purpose.
Ask Yourself the Big Question
When I look back on the decision I made at 19, I’m struck by how much it has shaped me. I haven’t lived a perfect life, but I’ve lived a life that feels deeply mine. It’s a life where I’ve taken chances, learned from failures, and sought meaning in every corner.
An extraordinary life isn’t about being extraordinary in the eyes of others—it’s about living in a way that feels rich, full, and aligned with who you are. It’s about waking up to the possibilities in every moment and finding happiness, not in what you’re waiting for, but in what you’re creating.
So, ask yourself: What do I want with my life? Don’t wait for the answer to happen—be the one who causes it.
I hope this has been helpful. As always, be kind, take care, and go gently in the world.
